Make cats, legions, helis, scythes. Watch cats flatten cats, helis, and legions. Then watch horse archers kill legions and scythes. Make a tower. Listen to Hittite laugh. See cat take out towers in two shots. Vow to learn Hittite
Minoan
Get a confused look on your map. Think, "huh? no water on this map?" make composite bowman. Watch big bad cat flatten composite bowman. Look at the map and see what 20 flattened composite bowman look like all jumbled together. Vow to learn Hittite.
Choson
Build a billion barracks. Farm like a madman. Convert everything. Repeat cycle. Watch legions beat uselessly on walls. Wonder why some wussy looking villager can take it down yet your big bad strong legion can't hurt it. Get frustrated. Say the Hittite is cheap. Then say he's cheating. Quit game. Listen to Hittite laughing uncontrollably. Vow to learn Hittite.
Sumerian
See your cats go whomp, whomp, whomp really fast. Now watch fast moving scythes kill cats. Wonder why I can't be as good as Hittite. Vow to learn Hittie.
Carthage
Make lots of pretty elephants. Than make lots of pretty helis with decorative war paint on the side. See 10 helis go splat to 2 Hittite cats. Now watch large elephant force be converted by massive Hittite force of priests. Then watch Hittite elephants kill the rest of your elephants. Grumble something about cat support. Vow to learn Hittite.
Assyrian
Watch fast shooting bowman die to fast moving fireball from catapult. Say something about not being in range of catapult. Vow to learn Hittite
Phonecian
Start chopping wood. Cut down more wood. Keep up this unnatural desire for wood. Try to construct stables and barracks. Watch as it takes 15 years for one stable to go up. Realize there is no water to build the boats that you cut down all that wonderful wood for. Watch Hittite kill villagers cutting down wood. Cry. Vow to learn Hittite.
Greek
Make centurions. Watch them run really really fast. Watch them go splat from fireball. Run out of gold. Yell to teammates about gold. Listen to your teammates tell you "No, i've all ready given you 10,000." Watch Hittite cats flatten the rest of your town. Vow to learn Hittite.
Egypt
Make a million priests. Convert the world. wooloooooo like a madman. Chop wood like you're on drugs. Get gold like a madman. Send out a million scythes. Watch scythes die to Large number of towers and horse archers on top of the big hill. See fireball kill priests. Vow to learn Hittite.
Yamato
Listen to Hittite in the game room laugh and laugh. Start game. Make horses, watch them die to everything. Vow to learn Hittite
Shang
Sit there looking at the yamato wondering why the Hittite is laughing so hard. Start game. Make lots of cheap villagers. Think its cool how many vilagers you can make in deathmatch. Watch Hittite kill your villagers. Vow to learn Hittite.
Macedonia
Make elephants. Farm like crazy. Be amazed at your incredible eyesite. See these catapult and horse looking things coming at you. Then see elephants along with them. Wonder what that's all about. See Cats kill cheap ballistas. Then watch elephants and horses kill pretty deaf elephants. Wonder about the 1/2 price siege and how come you only get a stone thrower and ballista. Watch Hittite kill the rest of your town. Vow to learn Hittite.
Palmyrian
Make super villagers with armor. Send them running toward enemy. Laugh at the enemy and think to yourself "he has no clue about my armored villager rush." See one fireball kill 10 villagers. Vow to learn Hittite.
Babylonian
Make towers. Make more towers. Watch teammates do all the work. See fireballs racing toward your towers. See the towers fall down. Cry. Now watch priests die to more fireballs. Cry some more. Vow to learn Hittite.
Persia
Lay down 40 stables. Use all your food on elephants. Watch elephants die to elephants, fireballs, and horse archers. Wonder where all your food went. See Hittite kill your stables then town. Vow to learn Hittite.
Hittite ------------------
Make cats. make more cats. keep making cats. Try to make elephants. Watch elephants die to cats. Realize you only keep making cats. Decide to call it a draw. Then go play a choson. make walls. Get a really good laugh.