Cats rule (hic) except for my ex-cat...he hated me and everyone else. When he did something he wasn't supposed to, and mom caught him and punished him, he'd go downstairs and bang on a loose closet door because he knew she hates it. (hic) If I caught him and punished him, he'd slash at my face because he knew that was the only way he could hurt me. He was beautifull, too...and boy did he know it...camera comes, and boy does he strut. He'd puff up his mane like a hooker from hollywood. (hic) he was ok though, because if something scared him when he was fast asleep (like me) he would fly 3 feet straight up in the air. After a while I couldn't do it anymore, because he would always fake it and never totally relax. You know an animal is smart when he appears to be totally asleep, you sneak up on him, and just before you grab him, he turns and looks at you. (hic) he had hair 3-4 inches long, and boy did he shed. He was very well trained, you never caught him doing anything wrong, unless you count the hair he left behind. He got away with a lot though, just not sleeping on that chair in the sun. (hic) every sunday we'd get home from church, and he would run to the door to greet us, and I swear he was trying to distract us from the chair, still rocking. (it's not like he cared that we were home any other time!!) (hic) He was a devil, too. he would claw my dad in the morning if he didn't feed him soon enough, he would claw the furniture, slash at you, etc. only if he was mad at you, and there was nothing he hated more than someone picking at the hair around the front of his hind legs. his whole flabby (26lbs.) side would quiver as he flicked himself in annoyance. That's about the time he'd go for my face. He was very good too, first he'd watch my hands, and try to get me into a rythm to catch me off guard. (he would have been a great boxer) then he would make some fake lunges without really trying, and then, he'd go for the face. I'm sure glad I had glasses at that time, even though they got ripped off frequently. (hic) Oh, another funny thing is when he's watching birds at the feeder through the miniblinds. He'd sit there forever, his whole body quivering, with his tail flicking, until a bird would decide to tease him (them birds are smart too) and fly right up to the window, before pulling up at the last moment. The poor cat would lunge all 26 pounds at the window for all he was worth...(hic)...well, you have a mental picture now I'm sure. BTW, I really do like cats, a lot, I even liked this one, and no, he wasn't tortured as a kitty, only as an adult. Maybe that's why he was so conniving and offensive, instead of beaten and scared. Anyway, he's in real hell now, living with other cats...for a long time he'd cower in a corner and hiss at anyone who would come close. He wasn't no scaredy cat when he was with us (except for when company came) (hic) one time a cat came in our house by accident. Custer (the cat) found him, and chased him into a corner, I thought the poor cat was gonna die...he was just looking frieked, desparate for an escape route. Custer was making very strange noises, and he looked ready to tear the cat up.
Then I got in between.
Well, first went the glasses, then my face, then my hands. but I bought the other cat enough time to scram. It's a shame, too, that other cat was really friendly. He'd probably never known fear until he met Custer. (hic) Well, it's been fun, enjoy this post. I know, it's long, much longer then the average american's (and canadian's) attention span, but try to break it up into pieces if it's too much for one sitting. Don't worry where you break, it pretty incoherent anyway...maybe I shoulda said this at the start. But then I didn't know I was gonna tell a life story here. (hic) I just wanted the coffee to wear off.
Laugh it up.------------------
HonoredMule
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assassin@nbnet.nb.ca
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