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Age of Empires / Rise of Rome / Definitive Edition
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Age of Empires Heaven » Forums » Age of Empires / Rise of Rome / Definitive Edition » My vacation
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Topic Subject:My vacation
Kramer
Banned
posted 07-14-99 03:08 AM ET (US)         
Well, I was in my room playing AoE, when my mom comes in and says "Its time". "What"?, I say, not knowing what she ment. "Its time to go on vacation. Are you packed?" That is how my great adventure began.

I knew what vacation ment. It ment "visiting a place far away from your computer you have never been. But the hallway outside my room wasn't what mom had in mind. We went down to a nice sea side resort called 'seascape'. It was one of those places with the rentable houses 3 feet from the water, with places you can get a ham sandwitch for $29.95 and a guy comes by your room 3 times a second asking if you wanted to know about any of the resort atractions, such as surfing, buying expencive gifts, tennis, buying expencive gifts, golf lessons, buying expencive gifts, campfires on the beach, and strip poker in the main lobby. Just kidding! Campfires are not allowed.

I dont know why, but it seemed like the people at the resort didn't like me. There was this leak in the shower, and I wanted to repear it. As you all know, everything takes wood to repear, except towers, but this shower was part of a house. I went outside and started choping down a nearby palm tree, when 2 guys with red shorts on came and stoped me, mainly by grabbing my ax and yelling that this was their tree, and I would have to pay for killing it. Its just as well, because all the storage pits around here had brown roofs. As they walked away, I struck it one more time, causing it to fall on their heads.

Then, I was walking down the road, and I saw a guy with a red shirt on. I wanted to get back at the red player for taking my wood, so I went and got a large club. After I had beat him with the club, I saw 2 more guys in blue coming toward me! Good, they have come to help me, I thought, but they grabbed me instead. WTF??? We had the same color clothing! They put me in a small room with bars on one side and a small toilet. I had a blue shirt on! There guys had the same clothing color, but they had attacked me instead. I was waiting for my sentence, probably 'death by delete key' for attacking a neutral team that we almost had enough gold to ally with, when I saw one of the bars was loose. I climed out.

I walked down to the beach. Hey! There was a bunch of bowmen! They were shooting at passing civilians, occasionally hitting one of those round colorful circles things. I heard a siren. Oh my god! There, comming toward me, was a big daddy!!! Out of it came 2 guys in blue, holding guns. Photon men! Someone was cheating!!!!!!! They saw me and told me to get in.

"No fair! Thats cheating!" I said. "You guys have guns and a car! I dont play with cheaters". I tryed to find the resign button, but they grabbed me, and put me back in... the same cell! This time though, there was another guy here, wearing a brown shirt. I could tell he owned the resort because the roofs were the same color as his clothes. He asked why I had beat up that man, and I told him. He asked me if I knew who the man was. I told him I thought he was an enemy villager, but he told me the man was discovered to be Bob Smith aka 'The guy who goes around doing not-very-nice things, like killing people and puting the parts he doesn't eat on his dashboard and has bumper stickers like 'AoE Heaven forumers suck!!!' and 'I sued a japaneese restaurant because they didn't cook my fish'. He wanted to reward me for capturing him. I recieved 5000 gold in tribute! I used it to buy that tree outside my room, so I could fix the shower. And I told him to get rid of those cars, or someone might think he was a cheater.

And that was just day 1!! I have day 2 next, but its midnight, so I dont feel like typing it.

PS most of this is true. Several parts I made up. Those ham sandwitches really cost $12.95.

AuthorReplies:
borgboy12
Clubman
posted 07-14-99 07:15 AM ET (US)     1 / 16       
lmao!!! I am cracking up
Tenaciti
Clubman
posted 07-14-99 07:43 AM ET (US)     2 / 16       
Excellent story! I can't wait to read part 2
borgboy12
Clubman
posted 07-14-99 07:47 AM ET (US)     3 / 16       
hehe me too
Thorfinn
Clubman
posted 07-14-99 09:01 AM ET (US)     4 / 16       
So I see that this vacation helped you put aside your daily life and just relax. An enjoyable read. But it certainly proves beyond a doubt that the anti-trainer does not work 100% of the time.

Keep your stick on the ice.
borgboy12
Clubman
posted 07-14-99 09:03 AM ET (US)     5 / 16       
lol thorfinn
APC_Doink
Inactive
posted 07-14-99 12:37 PM ET (US)     6 / 16       
You are the best Kramer...
Kramer
Banned
posted 07-15-99 11:12 AM ET (US)     7 / 16       
My vacation -- day 2

~~before we begin I just want to say that I really am on vacation, though some of the stuff here is made up, such as when I ordered McDonalds and there was meat in my hamburger~~

I woke up at 8:00 AM to the smell of flames. My dad had attempted to cook eggs, but the stove (yes, the hotel has stoves in every room, Im not making this part up) had caught on fire. I jumped up, and proceded to put it out by taking some of the wood that I hadn't used to fix the shower, throwing it on top, and began tapping the fire with a small hammer. For some reason, this only made it bigger. My dad finally put it out with water.

I walked up the stairs to the bathroom. My sister came out of her room with a yellow shirt on. Aaaahhhh! She had been converted! She must have been converted, because yesterday she had on a black shirt with the works "Death to (your name here)". I went to my parents room. No!!! My mom was the priest! She was sitting in bed, with both arms above her head and her mouth open. She wasnt a very good priest because instead of saying "hohoyo! ahahahao hohoyo!!" or "heaoo! heaoo!" she said "YYAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNN"

Outside, I saw several big daddys driving around. It reminded me of games on the Zone, only everyone had a car, not just one person. One of those hotel people in a transcart (like a golf cart, but holds 8 people) asked if I needed a lift. I said no, I didn't cheat and I would just wait for the next chariot. He sped of like I was some kind of maniac! As I walked down to the beach, I thought of something. If this 'Earth' campaign is played on gigantic maps, with 100+ players, and 6 billion pop limit, and has much more detailed maps (cliffs with grass patches! every tree looks different! thousands of building sets!), why isnt there and lag???

I walked onto the beach. It was a nice beach. 2 or 3 tiles of desert, then cliffs, then grass and forest. Must have took a long time to make this part of the map. I saw some boats out on the water. They looked like fishing boats. I wondered where the triremes were, or the fire galleys. Im guessing there were no fire galleys around here because of all the people playing in the water. Heh heh heh...

Oh no! Its an old man! I started running! The old man was moving his arms, and I think he was going to convert someone! I ran up the path to the hotel, hoping he wasn't half egyptian, half babylonian. I was very hungary, so I want to the market. It is this place by the hotel with many shops where you can buy stuff you could get 2 blocks away, only costs more. I went to McDonalds. As I ate, I wondered why I had to eat. I was already born! I had my 50 food. Why do I still need to eat? Not that this is food...

I then went and looked in the shops. It was very strange. I didn't see and wood cuting tools, no books on how to mine gold, no cows or other farm tools, and no wheels! All I saw was cheap perfumes, cheap toys, cheap candy, cheap food, cheap women, shells you could find on the beach, postcards, and that guy standing outside the store you want to go into that has all the tatoos and you dont want to walk past him even though there is something in the store you want and there is only 1 left and some old woman is walking over to the shelf and picks it up and WHY DONT YOU MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!!!!! CANT YOU SEE YOU SCARE PEOPLE?!?!?!? CANT YOU SMELL YOURSELF?!?!?!?!? YOUR PUTTING THIS STORE OUT OF BUSINESS STANDING THERE LIKE THAT!!!!!

Well, its time to go home now... The hotel people want us to leave. I think it was that huge riot that started when I started yelling at that guy. He started calling his friends over and began pushing me up against a wall. Then the hotels other gang ran in and soon everyone was in the fight. Someone yelled "lets raid the shops!", and soon everyone was in grabbing stuff. I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could, so I grabbed a nearby toy car, pulled of one of the wheels, and started running 30% faster that I had ever ran before! We got in out big daddy (my dad cheats too!) and left. The hotel closed down due to the fires from the riot and people trying to put them out by throwing wood on them and hitting them with small hammers.

Preist19
Inactive
posted 07-15-99 01:02 PM ET (US)     8 / 16       
l,l,lm, (studdering, laghing too hard), roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wuzat
Clubman
posted 07-15-99 04:04 PM ET (US)     9 / 16       
LMAO! make this a weekly thing were anyone can submit something!!!!

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Blatant
DoFH Seraph & Director of Seraphs
(id: blatant7)
posted 09-14-09 05:27 PM ET (US)     10 / 16       
I cried after reading this.

Yes, I began my journey alone, and I ended it alone.
But that does not mean that I walked alone. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Ninetails
AoEH MMC Winner
(id: TailSpray)
posted 09-14-09 07:14 PM ET (US)     11 / 16       
Up Next: Back to School field trip.

Seriously, I'm loving this series. Don't stop now!

| The Slave Pits (4.8) MMC 1st Place | The Fate of Inraya Teaser (4.5) | The Parting Gift | Computer Wars Pack |
"Never experienced any of his revolutionary scenarios, but dang if he isn't charismatic when he speaks!" -Aro
Voted AoEH's Most Helpful Forumer 2009!

Ninetails, of all the forumers you seen to have the inabillity to feel hate against your fellow man. A noble trait, treasure it. -Gumble
Mapppp
Clubman
(id: Jimmy2)
posted 09-14-09 08:07 PM ET (US)     12 / 16       
...What just happened.

◓◓◓◓◓
DoomFrost
Clubman
(id: Cyrix)
posted 09-15-09 00:50 AM ET (US)     13 / 16       
"...What just happened."

Someone bumped a thread from 1999.
Ninetails
AoEH MMC Winner
(id: TailSpray)
posted 09-15-09 11:32 AM ET (US)     14 / 16       
That would explain why this sounded like something from way back. Silly me, I should have looked at the date: I did notice some really old names here.

Still, I'm glad it got bumped so that I could read this little gem.

| The Slave Pits (4.8) MMC 1st Place | The Fate of Inraya Teaser (4.5) | The Parting Gift | Computer Wars Pack |
"Never experienced any of his revolutionary scenarios, but dang if he isn't charismatic when he speaks!" -Aro
Voted AoEH's Most Helpful Forumer 2009!

Ninetails, of all the forumers you seen to have the inabillity to feel hate against your fellow man. A noble trait, treasure it. -Gumble
Blatant
DoFH Seraph & Director of Seraphs
(id: blatant7)
posted 09-15-09 03:21 PM ET (US)     15 / 16       
Don't thank me, thank some guy at OD. Princess Honeymuffin or whatever. He randomly linked to this thread.

Yes, I began my journey alone, and I ended it alone.
But that does not mean that I walked alone. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Nacht Jaeger
Clubman
(id: RCM7525)
posted 09-15-09 06:21 PM ET (US)     16 / 16       
No bumping ten-year-old threads please.

Nacht Jaeger - Ex AoEH Angel
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